It is not always easy to master emotions, particularly for men. One of the greatest fears that many men have is the fear of rejection. Rejection is the feeling that you’re unwanted, unloved or not accepted—that you’re never good enough. The fear of rejection is rooted in thoughts of inadequacy and insecurity. When a man is unsure of his worth as a person or falsely believes negative things about himself, he will fear people’s rejection based upon his own negative self–view.
The trap that many men fall into is believing that revealing their inner feelings and hurt is a sign of weakness. Many men live their lives burying wounds and hurt that stem from being rejected. The problem is that burying the pain will not allow proper healing to take place. Some men cope with their feelings by constructing a false self–image and building walls around their hearts to protect themselves from being hurt or rejected again.
One of the truths that I have realized is that many Christians, men in particular, have perfected phoniness. When a man doesn’t like himself on the inside, he has to wear a mask or project a false image of himself that he feels will cause him to be more accepted by others. This kind of man usually gains his confidence from externalities like good looks, nice clothes or a big salary. A pretty girlfriend can even be used to increase his self–confidence. The problem is that this is not true godly confidence. Real godly confidence comes from within and is not based upon external appearance or an abundance of things. If a man lives this way for too long, he will eventually become so comfortable with the mask he might find it difficult to ever regain contact with who he really is.
The solution to this soul sickness is knowing that God loves you. Only a man who is rooted in God’s acceptance can accept himself. When a man realizes that God loves him despite his imperfections, he is able to embrace the qualities that make him special and unique, in spite of what others think. This is so important, because many times, we focus on the rejection we may face from others without realizing that we have already internally rejected ourselves. Those who have rejected themselves usually suffer from a nagging sense of failing to measure up. A man’s inferiorities are amplified when he faces rejection—especially from a woman.
Jesus said, “…and the one who comes to Me I will most certainly not cast out [I will never, no never, reject one of them who comes to Me]” (John 6:37, AMP). A man must focus on who he is according to the Word and who he is in Christ. As confidence begins to rise, it becomes easier to remove the masks that were once worn to protect the real man. Eventually, it becomes easier for him to be comfortable with his genuine self and there is no need for external “crutches.” He will no longer feel that he has to protect himself or his feelings. He is now free to express who he truly is without being ruled by the fear of rejection.
A real man automatically attracts others to himself once he says to himself, I’m worthy because of Jesus. True wholeness comes from an intimate love relationship with God. Men must realize that there is no way to truly be happy with one’s self outside of God. Anything else is just a cheap attempt to cover up wounds and pain with phoniness and external trappings that ultimately amount to nothing. A real man embraces the love of God and allows it to change him. He is secure and strong—in Christ.
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